STOP Listening to BTS!!

Now that I have your attention, I just have a (maybe, probably not so) quick thing to say. As I’m pretty sure I’ve said before, I like to read the comments under YouTube videos. Naturally, under pretty much any video of a Korean song, show, movie, interview, and whatever else you can think of, you will probably see comments about BTS. I don’t remember what video I was watching, but I came across a lot of comments quoting some of the guys from BTS. I don’t remember who everyone was quoting, but I remember the essence of the quote: “even if I’m exhausted, even if I’m broken, I will never stop”. People in the comment section were losing their minds for this, saying how admirable, wise, smart, and ambitious the man who said this was. I just want to say that this quote is not admirable, it is not smart, it is not wise--it is dumb, dangerous, and incredibly mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stunting.

I wish each and every member of BTS a lifetime of health, happiness, love, and success. I think each member is intelligent, talented, motivated, disciplined, and personable--I don’t think they would have gotten this far if they weren’t. I think each member has interesting experiences and stories to tell. However, I think we need to perhaps take life advice from them with a grain of salt. I think it’s important to understand that their views on some things are shaped by their experiences with and time in the Korean entertainment industry, interactions with fans and non-musicians/entertainers, Korean culture and expectations, and potential consequences of living their lives how they want. Everything I just mentioned shapes their view(s) of themselves, of their environment, of others, of their work possibilities, and of the future. Not working until and past the point of exhaustion has a completely different consequence for entertainers or regular workers in Korea than it does here. Admitting or showing you’re broken or hurting or struggling has a completely different consequence for entertainers and regular workers in Korea than it does here. So, while I don’t completely agree with the sentiment of never stopping even while exhausted or broken, I can understand where that idea comes from.

Now, as the little old lady that I am, I will tell you like I’d tell the members of BTS, like tell my neighbors, like I tell my family and friends, like tell my coworkers, like tell anyone: if you’re hungry, you get something to eat; if you’re thirsty, you get something to drink; if you’re cold, you put on a coat; and, if you need help getting those things, all you have to do is ask. In the same way, you eat when you’re hungry or you drink when you’re thirsty, if you are tired, you get some rest; if you have something that’s broken, you fix it.

Would you drive around with flat tires, or with problems with your engine? No. Why? Because it further damages the car and makes it harder, and more costly, to repair in the long run. If that’s true for something as simple as a car, why wouldn’t it be true for something as complex as the human body and mind?

The problem I have with the quote I mentioned earlier is that people are going to listen. Whether or not the person who said it meant it as career or personal advice, whether or not this was an exaggeration or figurative representation of the amount of work and discipline he plans to continue to put in to his own personal career; the problem is, for whatever reason, fans are going to listen and put into practice what their favorite celebrity says. The problem is that “working even if [you’re] tired or broken” is not healthy, nor is it sustainable.

Humans’ natural default is “self-preservation”, in whatever form that may be; additionally, the human body’s default is, naturally, “self-preservation”. To preserve itself, the human body will do what it has to, including shutting down. The human body and mind is an amazing thing--it’s amazing what the mind and body can take. However, the greater the stressor, the more we push the body and mind to its max, the greater, the harder, and the more devastating the consequences will be.

The body requires balance--if you don’t want to willingly give the body the balance it requires, it will do what it can to take that balance, even if it means dropping you where you stand.

The body doesn’t care how ambitious, how determined, how motivated, how passionate, how happy, how successful, how content, or how healthy you think you are--the only thing the body cares about is how hungry, how cold, how hot, how tired, how thirsty, or how stressed it is. And, the body is going to do what it must to make sure it stays balanced, healthy, and alive.

Remember, the mind and the body are connected: where one goes, the other eventually follows. Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how you want to look at it), the body will always take the lead to save and protect itself.

The body requires mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual balance to function properly. Despite that need for balance, the body will start with the absolute most basic needs in order to become whole and healthy. Like with anything, complete health starts with the little building blocks: basic self-care.

As I’ve mentioned before, self-care is the most important thing anyone can do for their own health. If you don’t take care of yourself, then you won’t be able to take care of anything or anyone else. The best thing you can do for yourself, at the absolute bare minimum, is to eat properly, stay hydrated, and sleep well. Then, once you have created that foundation for yourself, things become a little easier to take on, complete, and be successful in.

Naturally, self-care goes beyond basic bodily functions. I tell people all the time: the best self-care is sometimes saying “no” to situations, to people, to jobs, to opportunities, to anything that is not going to truly help you be healthy and successful (whatever that may mean) in the present or in the future.

Nothing, and no one, is worth the price of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and health. Nothing, and no one, is worth losing yourself over. When you don’t take care of yourself, when you don’t take care of your absolute most basic bodily needs, very simply, it becomes easier to lose important pieces of yourself.

Speaking from personal experience, it is impossible to be all things to all people. It’s impossible to do everything all at once. It’s impossible to complete tasks or be successful in anything you do if you aren’t “all there”, if you aren’t there mentally or emotionally. It’s impossible to stay motivated, disciplined, and focused if you aren’t well-rested or well-fed. As someone who has been dropped several times by their body, I promise you your ability to endure long-term, your ability to stay focused and driven, your ability to stay positive, your ability to find the goodness and beauty in people and situations, your ability to think about things differently, your ability to build healthy relationships and boundaries, your ability to be successful, your ability to be happy, and your ability to get and remain overall healthy will be limited to non-existent. I promise you, as someone who has had to be reeled in by their body on several occasions, that if you are good to yourself, then your body will generally be good to you. (For the record, I’m not talking about diseases or illnesses that are outside of our control, I’m only talking about things within our immediate control.)

Once we meet our basic needs, it gets a little easier to meet other needs (or at least identify and understand other needs you may have). That’s not to say that every mental or physical health problem gets solved if you eat well, sleep, drink water, and/or exercise. I’m not saying that at all. What I’m saying is that it’s easy to forget how important it is to take care of ourselves. It’s easy to get wrapped up in work or school or other people or anything else out there and neglect ourselves. I think sometimes it’s OK to be selfish; I think sometimes it’s OK to tell people to pound sand; I think it’s OK to sometimes put yourself above your work, your school, your family, your friends, your co-workers, your customers, or anyone else.

Working hard is necessary. Being disciplined and motivated is necessary. Sacrificing is necessary. Compromise is necessary. Planning is necessary. However, what is not necessary is: working to or past the point of exhaustion; disciplining yourself until life and people are no longer enjoyable; motivating yourself until everything else becomes meaningless; sacrificing yourself, your beliefs, your relationships, and your desires; compromising your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health; and planning to do all of the previously mentioned things.

Life is a constant balancing act. Sometimes things come at us out of left field; however, some things we end up doing to ourselves. No matter how great our intentions are, sometimes, things just go completely different from what we see for ourselves. We can’t prevent or protect ourselves from everything; however, there are things we can do to protect ourselves from a lot that the world throws at us. The only way we have the ability, the energy, and the stamina to protect ourselves from all the crap the world throws at us is by first taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

When it comes down to it, I think we are all worth more than what we think; there’s more for us out there than what we allow ourselves to accept; and I think we completely limit and stunt ourselves when we are constantly on either end of the "workaholic" spectrum. When we spread ourselves too thin, things become tiring, exhausting, meaningless, boring, unproductive, and inefficient.

I’ll just tell you honestly: money is here today and gone tomorrow; ‘success’ is completely subjective; jobs come and go; you can’t please everyone; it’s pretty much definitely impossible to be the best in everything; and time goes by far too quickly to be stuck in misery and frustration. Some things will always be on this earth--a lot of other things will not be.

Before it gets to a point where you can’t easily come back, please, eat well, get enough rest and sleep, stay hydrated, do a little exercise, go stand in the sunshine, spend time with people who truly care about you, get rid of toxic and dysfunctional people and things, and do whatever it is you have to do to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Your life is far too short and far too precious to unnecessarily get stuck in monotony, stress, frustration, pain, anger, misery, uncertainty, exhaustion, and dysfunction.

There are so many things in our lives and environments that we can’t necessarily control or do something about; however, there are so many things we can control and do something about. You’re worth taking care of, you’re worth valuing, and you deserve complete health. If you need help taking care of yourself, if you need help learning how to value and care about yourself, if you need help learning how to become healthy, then I would encourage you to get that help. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. There’s bravery, courage, independence, and freedom in asking for and receiving help. You deserve freedom, health, and happiness. I hope you, and everyone else, is able to find and keep it. Until you're ready, until you're able to find your own version of peace, please, take care of yourself.